The Bully vs. Mama Bear

Tears welled up in the teacher's eyes as she recounted what she saw on the playground that day.

"He was pinned against the wall," she said. "And the look on his face! I had been hearing about some bullying going on. But once I saw it with my own eyes ..."

I think I heard my own jaw hit the desk. The victim she spoke of was none other than my 6-year-old son.

Bullying is making major headlines these days, and sometimes good common sense in these matters gets tossed out once we get wind of those horrific tales. Sometimes kids do have to work out their differences and disputes on the playground. Sometimes kids are going to get their feelings hurt. Sometimes parents will, too.

But should I have stepped in on my own situation earlier?

By the time I talked to Jack's teacher, the situation had been handled by the school and a fast-acting vice principal. But his teacher had another concern. "He just seems a little quieter than usual."

That's when the alarm bells really went off. So I went back to Jack for a follow-up interview.

"Is that kid still bothering you?" I asked, trying to ferret out what might be lurking under that lingering gray cloud.

"No," Jack said, digging a toe into the floor and looking for an escape from this line of questioning. "I'm just sad that he doesn't want to play with me anymore."

I felt my heart break into a thousand little LEGO pieces. I realized in that moment that no amount of hugging, lecturing, prepping, loving or bubblewrapping was going to prevent those moments when someone – regardless of age or station in life – would try to extinguish my children's spark.

I went through a range of emotions that took me from Tiger to Grizzly Mom. What can I do, I wondered aloud? Can I stop this from happening again? And should I?

The resounding answer to the last two questions, at least according to the online special needs organization, AbilityPath.org, is a resounding yes. This month, the organization  released a report and guide on bullying. In an accompanying press teleconference, officials pointed to parents, educators and public officials to help create an environment of respect and compassion in our homes and schools.

For parents of children who do not have disabilities, it is our job to stop the bullying at its heart. Make sure your child is equipped with a toolbox filled with self-esteem, compassion, happiness, comfort and all the other parts of a personality that seem to prevent one child from tearing down another child in order to feel good about herself. I know – there will still be times when, regardless of the parenting, a child will be mean, thoughtless ... even cruel. But sit down with your child tonight and talk about this issue. There's no time to waste.

Here's why: Six out of 10 children with special needs said they had been bullied (compared to the relatively modest 25 percent of students without a disability), according to a study in the British Journal of Learning Support.

Bullying, especially of special needs students, is a "silent epidemic," says Timothy Shriver (yes, those Shrivers), the chairman of the Special Olympics. "One of the problems is that it's the adults using degrading language [at home]. Some parents don't think these [special needs] children should even go to their child's school."

Rep. Jackie Speier (D-CA12) offered her support from the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives. "This [report] is a heartbreaking wakeup call to parents, educators and public policy makers," she said. And she mentioned another disturbing statistic – 85 percent of children bystanders do not take action during a bullying incident.

All parties agreed that one of the best forms of prevention is to equip your child with understanding, knowledge and compassion. It should be ingrained in a child's psyche that it is unbearable to see someone suffer at the hands of a bully.

Lauren Potter, who plays Becky Jackson on Glee, also weighed in on the importance of speaking up. She has campaigned through Facebook and YouTube to stop the use of the "'R' word" in order to curb some of the derogatory language that often is used too casually and can accompany other cruel behavior. Potter said she has experienced this type of cruelty, and through her high-profile role as Sue Silverster's right-hand Cheerio, just hopes for what we all do: That we all can treat each other with respect, regardless of abilities or disability (in her case, Down's syndrome).

"I've been bullied," she said during the teleconference. "They were walking behind me, and I was telling them to grow up. It was hard that the boys were so immature."

Lauren found her voice, her mother, Robin Sinkhorn, said. Make sure your child finds his.

Download the full report and find parent resources here.

The Grammys: One Mom's High Note

Today's guest blogger is Deborah Poppink, an L.A. mom who attended the Grammys this week with her record executive husband. Deborah is known for her fresh, funny and free-spirited music for kids and is an award-winning songwriter, performer and music teacher.  Check out her original and educational videos for families on YouTube. She also writes the The DidiPop Times: A Creative Parenting Newsletter (www.didipop.com). She lives in Mar Vista with her husband, two daughters and cat Booki.

L.A. mom and musician Deborah Poppink settled into her seat at the Grammys next to husband David.

Having always dreamed of attending the Grammys (as a performing nominee!), I finally made it last night. It was an exciting weekend here in L.A., beginning with the kids' music Grammy nominee concert at The Mint, where Justin Roberts and Judy Pancoast were among the performers. Pete Seeger and Julie Andrews did not make it (and I am lucky to have seen Pete recently at Jazzfest in New Orleans, but I digress).

Sunday morning I put on a DidiPop show for kids at our local farmers' market, ran home, took off my pink-sequined skirt, threw on my new over-the-knee leather boots (thanks Zappos), a double coat of mascara and dashed out the door to the Grammy party hosted by my music publisher, Bug Music.

Kara DioGuardi looked dramatic in her black dress as she gave Bug's "Hitmaker" award to Ari Levine (he's cranking out the hits with Bruno Mars, and I was fortunate enough to work with Ari on my X-Files song, "Ooh La La"). Los Lobos was honored, and martinis and doughnut holes were flowing. Weird combination, right?

"We've got go. Now!" said my husband, quite seriously. He's the president of Bug and negotiated me through my first Grammys. If you are not in your seat before the going-on-air countdown, they won't let you in. So there  we were, scuttling across the street, my leather jacket pockets filled with Cliff Bars and a water bottle stashed in the back of my pants (at the belt line) and under my new Kenneth Cole strappy top. I'd been warned by seasoned Grammy-goers, to sneak in food and water as the show lasts forever and ushers don't let you out of your seats much. And by the way, we WERE allowed to get up, but I was happy I didn't have to spend $45 on a couple bottles of water and a Kit-Kat bar.

Deborah Poppink enjoyed the Grammy pre-party scene.

I squeezed into my seat between my husband and a music publisher from Toronto (just met him last night, nice guy!), and the show started. The five powerhouse women sang the Aretha Franklin medley, Christina looking kind of plump and luscious (and falling as she took in the applause). Lady Gaga apparently got out of an egg, but from our seats, it looked more like a Cinderella coach. My favorite part was when she played the organ. What a hard-working artist she is. And during her song I turned to the music publishers on either side of me (my husband and my new friend from Toronto), and said two words: "Express Yourself".

My favorite part of Bruno Mars' "set" was when he played drums. As an artist, I love to see true artists like Gaga and Bruno. Ones who WORK: practicing, rehearsing, writing and studying, because that's truly what it takes. (Sometimes I think people get caught up in the clothes, make-up and current body weight, without really acknowledging how much work goes in). Mick Jagger was mesmerizing and filled Staples Center with almost a church-like magnificence. What an energy that man has.

But in the middle part of the show, the whole glitzy Grammys became more like a family and kids' music show. When Jada Pinkett Smith and hubby Will stood up and proudly applauded their little rapper, Jaden, it felt as though I was at our school auditorium and they were just another couple of proud parents. And really, isn't that  what they are? I also saw Cyndi Lauper just below me, seemingly annoyed at her teenage son for doing something. Mothering never stops, even at the Grammys.

When Cee-lo and Gwyneth Paltrow came on with the Muppets, the night, in my perception, became more like a night of kids' music for adults. And maybe that what POP music really is. Rihanna in her yellowish princess dress, Katy Perry in the pink Little Bo Peep outfit, pretty on a swing showing her own wedding photos on her magnificent wing-like train, and Cee-lo in his multicolored chicken get-up ... how uplifting and free-spirited it all was!

(My theory on Gwyneth: She is one of the most gifted actresses of our time. Maybe she's been auditioning all these roles in her movies, just to try out what she REALLY wants to be in life. She marries Chris Martin from Coldplay and watches him do his thing for a while. Then she says, "Wow! I wanna be a ROCK STAR!" and of course she can. She was electrifying.)

Then Barbra Streisand came on. I am a huge fan and was excited to see what she would do. She looked more like a woman than a superstar, settled and calm. She choose one of the hardest songs I've ever sung ("Evergreen"), and that was interesting, because she just can't get the notes like she used to. And she knows it, but still she went for it, which was brave and real. I appreciate her courage, her talent and her hard work.

We all thought Justin Bieber would win as he is such a teen phenomenon, yet he lost to Esperanza Spalding, the talented jazz bassist/vocalist/producer/composer from Portland. I just listened to her CD, and it's pretty remarkable. The other unexpected win went to Arcade Fire. They are dynamic group of multi-instrumentalists that includes two drummers, two women musicians, and a husband and wife team that play cool instruments like glockenspiels and French horns. I believe that Arcade Fire's CD was the only "concept album" of the five nominated for Best Album. And that, along with their incredible musicianship, could be why they took it. These days artists tend to record a bunch of singles and then compile them onto a CD, whereas in the old days, artists would think it out and create 40 minutes of story/vibe/concept.

All in all, the day (performing for kids and families with my new band), the day (at the party, reconnecting with musicians I haven't hung with since I've been breeding), and the night (the legendary Grammys, complete with real legends) was one of the best days of my life. I know that's quite a statement, but sharing all this music with my daughters (4 and 6) at my show, and my wonderful husband all day long (we just celebrated our seven-year anniversary), made me look up to the sky (after parking my minivan in our driveway) and thank god out loud.

Just then a song came into my head, a wonderful song from the Sound of Music with the lyric: "Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good." What a lucky mom/wife/musician I am. And how important music is for all us, to inspire us and bring us (children, adults and families) together to feel and thrive in its magic. And just like raising kids, making music takes a lot of work, dedication and love.

Find Deborah Poppink Hirshland at www.DidiPop.com, www.YouTube.com/DidiPopMusic, www.Facebook.com/DidiPopMusic and on Twitter @DidiPop.

Family Road Trip: Legoland

(This guest post comes courtesy of Michael Berick, L.A. Parent's ace calendar editor and dad-about-town.)

With an unexpected free weekend to play with, we recently decided to head south down Southern California's amusement park alley, past Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm (although not as south as the San Diego Zoo) and visit Legoland. While the Carlsbad-based park is closer to San Diego than Los Angeles, it can take less than two hours to get there (particularly if the I-5 traffic is cooperative).

The relatively new park on the Southern California scene (just over 10 years old), Legoland is not so enormous that you can't make it a single-day adventure. Lego lovers, however, can find enough to do to spend more time there. Deciding to make it more of festive weekend, we chose to stay at the Sheraton Resort & Spa. A lovely, family-friendly hotel that conveniently has its own entrance to Legoland, it also has a big pool and a helpful staff.

However, the point of the trip was Legoland. We entered the park when it opened at 10 a.m. and started to wander around. Not every attraction was open but there was certainly much to do. One of the first things that we did was tackle the Splash Battle in Pirate Shores area. It was a water ride where you shoot water at others and have water shot at you. Needless to say, we got soaked. In fact, it started a string of water-related rides, which also included the Aquazone (a water carousel-type ride where you try to avoid the blast of water that others can set off) and a Treasure Falls (watch out for the water spout near the ride's end).

Overall, the park holds a charming old-fashioned quality, which shouldn't be surprising since it is all about Legos. There are plenty of hands-on, but not high-tech, things to do. One cool thing is that you can work on Legos while you wait in lines or go to special building areas to make Lego creations.

Legoland has eight different zones (The Beginning, Imagination Zone, Duplo Village, Fun Town, Castle Hill, Pirate Shores and Miniland USA) that have their own fun activities. The park is laid out sort of like a circle and getting from one zone to another can be a little more confusing than you would think, but it isn't so large that you can't find where you are going.

One place for Lego-lovers to seek out is the Miniland USA, where there are wonderfully detailed miniature models of various American locations – like New York City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. Other fun spots included the Driving School (there is a "school" for 3- to 5-year-olds and 6- to 13-year-olds) and the Land of Adventure's Lost Kingdom Adventure, where you ride and try to rack up point by hitting targets with a laser gun.

While the water park wasn't open (it reopens in March for the warmer months), we did visit the Sea Life Aquarium, which was a nice indoor break during the sunny afternoon. While not as elaborate as the Aquarium of the Pacific (or Monterey's Aquarium, for that matter), this aquarium houses a colorful array of marine life that you can view or even feel in touch pools. It's also interesting to see how they have integrated Lego creations into the aquarium setting.

Parents will notice that there are (not surprisingly) plenty of shopping opportunities for Lego fans; however, there is a good range of prices so you don't have to break the bank to come home with a memento. It's also nice to report that we had a rather tasty pizza lunch at the Ristorante Brickolini, which is a pleasant surprise at an amusement park.

We lucked out, too, when it came to finding a restaurant for dinner in Carlsbad. Looking for something local, we wound up at the Fish House Vera Cruz on Carlsbad Village Drive. We enjoyed some delicious fish kabobs. Staying true to its menu, the kidss meal choices were all fish items; however, the halibut kabob got a big thumbs up from our 8 year old (who was not known to be a halibut fan previously).

If you arrive on a not-so-busy day and don't try to hit every single attraction the park has to offer, you can make Legoland a really fun, one-day road trip. The park's activities seem most suited for kids ages 10 and younger; some spots are best for younger kids but not too much that is just for pre-teens.

If you have more time, however, you can explore more of the Carlsbad/Oceanside area. Shoppers will want to check out the local outlet mall, while music fans should make note of the Museum of Making Music. It is a small museum operated by NAMM (the National Association of Music Merchants), but it houses an impressive collection of musical instruments.

LEGOLAND, various times, 1 Legoland Dr, Carlsbad. Admission: $69 adults, $59 children 3-12. www.legoland.com.

Listen To Your Heart

I'd like to say my heart skips a beat because of all the excitement in my life. But in fact, I think I have a case of forty-something-hormony-stressy-possibly genetically induced heart palpitations.

Why do you have to know this? Because it's American Heart Month, or so says the American Heart Association, and I am eternally shocked out of my seat every time I hear that heart disease is the number one killer of women in this country.

The American Heart Association has made good use of this month of love and flowers to remind us that we need to keep our hearts on our minds. Part of the reason is that if it's not palpitating or acting erratically (as mine has been doing lately), we don't think about that muscle much. It's just there, pumping away at delivering blood to all of our important body parts.

In my case, I started having these thumpings more frequently after my 40th birthday. And since it's American Heart Month, I thought I'd do my heart a service and have it checked out.

I'm still waiting on the final results from my doctor, so I've already worked myself through every outcome, from merely just needing to up my water intake to going in for a complete heart transplant. But having this weird reminder that my heart is working hard for me has prompted some important lifestyle changes. More often than not, I request my chicken grilled rather than fried and have been skipping dessert when my will is strong. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I've been running around a bit more with the kids, tossing the football and getting on bikes. I even dialed down to decaf tea in the afternoon.

Use this Hallmark-happy month as an excuse to focus on your own heart – and all that it does for you. And more importantly, take a minute to listen to your heart. Then take the stairs and do other stuff that makes your heart happy. Sing a lullaby to your kids (unless they're 14 and might throw you out of their room). Read a poem (the internet can help you with this). Play with a puppy. Stare at the moon.

As my husband told me the other day, "I like that heart. Take care of it." It wasn't quite Valentine's Day yet, but that sure made my heart skip a beat.

Backyard Travels: 10 Great Things To Do in SoCal

1. Ride a Duffy Boat in Newport Harbor. Putter around with the family to gawk at million-dollar yachts in one of these adorable little electric-motor boats. www.visitnewportbeach.com


2. Go ice-skating on the beach. For a brief span from mid-December to early January, you can carve up the ice among the palm trees in Huntington Beach, which is more often known for its waves than its figure-eights. www.surfcityusa.com


3. Release a monarch butterfly. The St. Regis Monarch Beach near Laguna Beach offers a nightly butterfly ritual for a limited time during the summer months. A butterfly butler tells the story of the migration of the colorful insects as he releases several of them into the sunset. www.stregismb.com


4. Go see The Blue Boy at the Huntington Library, Art Collections and Botanical Gardens. The iconic Thomas Gainsborough painting never ceases to amaze. And the rest of the collections aren’t too shabby, either. http://www.huntington.org


5. Take a long walk on SoCal’s longest wooden pier. It happens to be in Oceanside, where you can also catch some of the Golden State’s most spectacular sunsets. www.visitoceanside.org


6. Take a gondola ride in Long Beach. If it’s more about the experience (and less about the romance) load up the family and take a relaxing cruise aboard an authentic Venetian gondola. You can even opt for the “Pizza Cruise” and enjoy some Italian flavors with your “Oh, Sole Mio.” www.gondolagetawayinc.com


7. Check out the Millennium Falcon at Legoland. Behold The Force as the brick-themed park will unveil its new Star Wars Miniland in March 2011. http://california.legoland.com


8. Take the train to Capistrano. Amtrak’s Pacific Surfliner slices right through this scenic town and stops just steps from the Mission San Juan Capistrano as well as the area’s adorable shops and cafes. Just hop on the train, cruise down the coast, and spend the day exploring. www.amtrak.com


9. Take your dog to San Diego. Watch your pooch play in the waves at Dog Beach at Ocean Beach and Coronado. But make sure they dust off the sand before checking into one of the city’s numerous dog-friendly hotels. Loews Coronado Bay Resort even has a “Loews Loves Pets” program (and kids are welcome, too). www.sandiego.org


10. Go see a lighthouse. The focal point of Shoreline Village in Long Beach is the scenic Lions Lighthouse For Sight overlooking Rainbow Harbor. A pleasant walking trail encircles the grounds. Nearby and a bit more authentic is the lighthouse at Point Vicente in Rancho Palos Verdes. The interpretive center is open daily. www.palosverdes.com

Find even more travel ideas at the Visit California site.