Tuesday
Feb222011
The Bully vs. Mama Bear
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 07:45PM
Tears welled up in the teacher's eyes as she recounted what she saw on the playground that day.
"He was pinned against the wall," she said. "And the look on his face! I had been hearing about some bullying going on. But once I saw it with my own eyes ..."
I think I heard my own jaw hit the desk. The victim she spoke of was none other than my 6-year-old son.
Bullying is making major headlines these days, and sometimes good common sense in these matters gets tossed out once we get wind of those horrific tales. Sometimes kids do have to work out their differences and disputes on the playground. Sometimes kids are going to get their feelings hurt. Sometimes parents will, too.
But should I have stepped in on my own situation earlier?
By the time I talked to Jack's teacher, the situation had been handled by the school and a fast-acting vice principal. But his teacher had another concern. "He just seems a little quieter than usual."
That's when the alarm bells really went off. So I went back to Jack for a follow-up interview.
"Is that kid still bothering you?" I asked, trying to ferret out what might be lurking under that lingering gray cloud.
"No," Jack said, digging a toe into the floor and looking for an escape from this line of questioning. "I'm just sad that he doesn't want to play with me anymore."
I felt my heart break into a thousand little LEGO pieces. I realized in that moment that no amount of hugging, lecturing, prepping, loving or bubblewrapping was going to prevent those moments when someone – regardless of age or station in life – would try to extinguish my children's spark.
I went through a range of emotions that took me from Tiger to Grizzly Mom. What can I do, I wondered aloud? Can I stop this from happening again? And should I?
The resounding answer to the last two questions, at least according to the online special needs organization, AbilityPath.org, is a resounding yes. This month, the organization released a report and guide on bullying. In an accompanying press teleconference, officials pointed to parents, educators and public officials to help create an environment of respect and compassion in our homes and schools.
For parents of children who do not have disabilities, it is our job to stop the bullying at its heart. Make sure your child is equipped with a toolbox filled with self-esteem, compassion, happiness, comfort and all the other parts of a personality that seem to prevent one child from tearing down another child in order to feel good about herself. I know – there will still be times when, regardless of the parenting, a child will be mean, thoughtless ... even cruel. But sit down with your child tonight and talk about this issue. There's no time to waste.
Here's why: Six out of 10 children with special needs said they had been bullied (compared to the relatively modest 25 percent of students without a disability), according to a study in the British Journal of Learning Support.
Bullying, especially of special needs students, is a "silent epidemic," says Timothy Shriver (yes, those Shrivers), the chairman of the Special Olympics. "One of the problems is that it's the adults using degrading language [at home]. Some parents don't think these [special needs] children should even go to their child's school."
Rep. Jackie Speier (D-CA12) offered her support from the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives. "This [report] is a heartbreaking wakeup call to parents, educators and public policy makers," she said. And she mentioned another disturbing statistic – 85 percent of children bystanders do not take action during a bullying incident.
All parties agreed that one of the best forms of prevention is to equip your child with understanding, knowledge and compassion. It should be ingrained in a child's psyche that it is unbearable to see someone suffer at the hands of a bully.
Lauren Potter, who plays Becky Jackson on Glee, also weighed in on the importance of speaking up. She has campaigned through Facebook and YouTube to
stop the use of the "'R' word" in order to curb some of the derogatory language that often is used too casually and can accompany other cruel behavior. Potter said she has experienced this type of cruelty, and through her high-profile role as Sue Silverster's right-hand Cheerio, just hopes for what we all do: That we all can treat each other with respect, regardless of abilities or disability (in her case, Down's syndrome).
"I've been bullied," she said during the teleconference. "They were walking behind me, and I was telling them to grow up. It was hard that the boys were so immature."
Lauren found her voice, her mother, Robin Sinkhorn, said. Make sure your child finds his.
Download the full report and find parent resources here.
"He was pinned against the wall," she said. "And the look on his face! I had been hearing about some bullying going on. But once I saw it with my own eyes ..."
I think I heard my own jaw hit the desk. The victim she spoke of was none other than my 6-year-old son.
Bullying is making major headlines these days, and sometimes good common sense in these matters gets tossed out once we get wind of those horrific tales. Sometimes kids do have to work out their differences and disputes on the playground. Sometimes kids are going to get their feelings hurt. Sometimes parents will, too.
But should I have stepped in on my own situation earlier?
By the time I talked to Jack's teacher, the situation had been handled by the school and a fast-acting vice principal. But his teacher had another concern. "He just seems a little quieter than usual."
That's when the alarm bells really went off. So I went back to Jack for a follow-up interview.
"Is that kid still bothering you?" I asked, trying to ferret out what might be lurking under that lingering gray cloud.
"No," Jack said, digging a toe into the floor and looking for an escape from this line of questioning. "I'm just sad that he doesn't want to play with me anymore."
I felt my heart break into a thousand little LEGO pieces. I realized in that moment that no amount of hugging, lecturing, prepping, loving or bubblewrapping was going to prevent those moments when someone – regardless of age or station in life – would try to extinguish my children's spark.
I went through a range of emotions that took me from Tiger to Grizzly Mom. What can I do, I wondered aloud? Can I stop this from happening again? And should I?
The resounding answer to the last two questions, at least according to the online special needs organization, AbilityPath.org, is a resounding yes. This month, the organization released a report and guide on bullying. In an accompanying press teleconference, officials pointed to parents, educators and public officials to help create an environment of respect and compassion in our homes and schools.
For parents of children who do not have disabilities, it is our job to stop the bullying at its heart. Make sure your child is equipped with a toolbox filled with self-esteem, compassion, happiness, comfort and all the other parts of a personality that seem to prevent one child from tearing down another child in order to feel good about herself. I know – there will still be times when, regardless of the parenting, a child will be mean, thoughtless ... even cruel. But sit down with your child tonight and talk about this issue. There's no time to waste.
Here's why: Six out of 10 children with special needs said they had been bullied (compared to the relatively modest 25 percent of students without a disability), according to a study in the British Journal of Learning Support.
Bullying, especially of special needs students, is a "silent epidemic," says Timothy Shriver (yes, those Shrivers), the chairman of the Special Olympics. "One of the problems is that it's the adults using degrading language [at home]. Some parents don't think these [special needs] children should even go to their child's school."
Rep. Jackie Speier (D-CA12) offered her support from the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives. "This [report] is a heartbreaking wakeup call to parents, educators and public policy makers," she said. And she mentioned another disturbing statistic – 85 percent of children bystanders do not take action during a bullying incident.
All parties agreed that one of the best forms of prevention is to equip your child with understanding, knowledge and compassion. It should be ingrained in a child's psyche that it is unbearable to see someone suffer at the hands of a bully.
Lauren Potter, who plays Becky Jackson on Glee, also weighed in on the importance of speaking up. She has campaigned through Facebook and YouTube to
stop the use of the "'R' word" in order to curb some of the derogatory language that often is used too casually and can accompany other cruel behavior. Potter said she has experienced this type of cruelty, and through her high-profile role as Sue Silverster's right-hand Cheerio, just hopes for what we all do: That we all can treat each other with respect, regardless of abilities or disability (in her case, Down's syndrome)."I've been bullied," she said during the teleconference. "They were walking behind me, and I was telling them to grow up. It was hard that the boys were so immature."
Lauren found her voice, her mother, Robin Sinkhorn, said. Make sure your child finds his.
Download the full report and find parent resources here.
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