Wednesday
Dec162009
Don't Worry. Be Happy.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 05:46PM
Today's post is dedicated to all my pregnant and wanna-be pregnant friends out there. An edited version of this story ran in the Winter issue of Expecting! L.A., where you'll find even more comforting stories and resources.
I’m a veteran worrywart. And as a mom of two children who’ve somehow managed to survive to the ages of 5 and 9, I thought it might be helpful to impart to new moms and moms-to-be my experience with the things that, 99.9% of the time, turned out to be things I didn’t need to worry about. If you’re like me, you’re still wondering about the .1%, but please, don’t worry about that.
Here is the (abridged) list of things I worried about – and why you should try to focus your energies on more important concerns, like how you’re going to get your husband out of that deep sleep for a midnight diaper change.
What if I don’t bond with my baby? Yep, I fretted about that. What if I just didn’t feel “that thing”? “I have no maternal instincts!” I used to cry. Don’t waste a second on that one; once your eyes meet your baby’s, you will be forever bonded in the deepest way two people can be connected. I promise.
What if I’m a terrible mother? I make several small and large parenting decisions every day that lead me to think, “Am I sentencing my children to a lifetime of therapy?” But like me, you will find your way along this motherhood journey. You won’t be perfect, but neither will your children. But you’ll do your best to make good decisions, keep them fed and be there with the Bactine and hugs when they’re needed. And you’ll be there, the Number One requirement of a “good” parent.
My child will have some horrible disease. I can’t tell you that it never happens, because obviously, children do get sick. But what I did was waste endless hours and lots of energy Googling and wondering whether my precious bundle might be succumbing to something incurable. Do your best to keep your baby healthy (wash your hands, feed her properly, keep her away from obvious dangers), and the rest of that stuff? The odds are in your favor, and you should save your energy for worrying about important matters, like whether or not she has inherited your sarcasm or your penchant for expensive shoes.
What if I can’t handle giving birth? That’s the scary thing about pregnancy – there’s pretty much only one way out. Yes, you will be able to handle the pain. Yes, you will feel as though you can’t handle the pain, at which point you will be given the necessary interventions. You will lose all sense of propriety and modesty, but again, you will be focused on the all-important goal of meeting your baby face-to-face for the first time.
The world is full of germs! OK, I can’t dispute that one. At first, I fretted about the cat getting too close while I boiled the life out of baby bottles and scrubbed her little baby bathtub with a toothbrush and disinfectant. But that only lasted a day. After I plucked the first dog hair off my baby’s mouth I knew it was a losing battle. Again, wash hands. Again, don’t worry if you drop the pacifier or your mother-in-law can’t keep her hands off the baby. That’s normal.
From one worrier to another potential worrier, I hope these tips help calm some of those new-mom anxieties. And if you know any mothers of teenagers, please have them send me their list of things not to worry about.
I’m a veteran worrywart. And as a mom of two children who’ve somehow managed to survive to the ages of 5 and 9, I thought it might be helpful to impart to new moms and moms-to-be my experience with the things that, 99.9% of the time, turned out to be things I didn’t need to worry about. If you’re like me, you’re still wondering about the .1%, but please, don’t worry about that.Here is the (abridged) list of things I worried about – and why you should try to focus your energies on more important concerns, like how you’re going to get your husband out of that deep sleep for a midnight diaper change.
What if I don’t bond with my baby? Yep, I fretted about that. What if I just didn’t feel “that thing”? “I have no maternal instincts!” I used to cry. Don’t waste a second on that one; once your eyes meet your baby’s, you will be forever bonded in the deepest way two people can be connected. I promise.
What if I’m a terrible mother? I make several small and large parenting decisions every day that lead me to think, “Am I sentencing my children to a lifetime of therapy?” But like me, you will find your way along this motherhood journey. You won’t be perfect, but neither will your children. But you’ll do your best to make good decisions, keep them fed and be there with the Bactine and hugs when they’re needed. And you’ll be there, the Number One requirement of a “good” parent.
My child will have some horrible disease. I can’t tell you that it never happens, because obviously, children do get sick. But what I did was waste endless hours and lots of energy Googling and wondering whether my precious bundle might be succumbing to something incurable. Do your best to keep your baby healthy (wash your hands, feed her properly, keep her away from obvious dangers), and the rest of that stuff? The odds are in your favor, and you should save your energy for worrying about important matters, like whether or not she has inherited your sarcasm or your penchant for expensive shoes.
What if I can’t handle giving birth? That’s the scary thing about pregnancy – there’s pretty much only one way out. Yes, you will be able to handle the pain. Yes, you will feel as though you can’t handle the pain, at which point you will be given the necessary interventions. You will lose all sense of propriety and modesty, but again, you will be focused on the all-important goal of meeting your baby face-to-face for the first time.
The world is full of germs! OK, I can’t dispute that one. At first, I fretted about the cat getting too close while I boiled the life out of baby bottles and scrubbed her little baby bathtub with a toothbrush and disinfectant. But that only lasted a day. After I plucked the first dog hair off my baby’s mouth I knew it was a losing battle. Again, wash hands. Again, don’t worry if you drop the pacifier or your mother-in-law can’t keep her hands off the baby. That’s normal.
From one worrier to another potential worrier, I hope these tips help calm some of those new-mom anxieties. And if you know any mothers of teenagers, please have them send me their list of things not to worry about.