Punching the Clock

As the self-proclaimed queen of "I Don't Have Time For This," I often wear that title as though it is a burden that has been thrust upon me. The truth is, my perceived lack of time is caused by a series of choices that I have made. I chose to put my daughter in Girl Scouts. I chose to put my kids in a school that requires a long commute from my job. Yes, I chose to have a job. Heck, I chose to have kids!

The choices we make and how we spend our time essentially make us the people we are. That's the message I received loud and clear from Diane Flannery, Ph.D., director and co-founder of the brand-new UCLA Family Commons (read more about the center's mission at Health-E). By applying scientific studies and research to our real lives, the facility provides a nonjudgmental space for parents to gather resources, evaluate the issues they're dealing with and ultimately, help create healthy, mindful families.

Getting to that point means taking a close look at yourself.

One of the first things the folks at the center do to help parents is to give them a Family Wellness Checkup. Since "we are what we do," Flannery says, this test helps break down, hour by hour, how you spend your life. Then you take those results and compare them to your values to see if it all matches up.

It was eye-opening last year when I started counting calories to help me shed a few pounds. If you look at, think about and quantify each bite, then you figure out pretty quickly why you can't see your feet when you look down at the scale. I had the same experience when I started looking at my always-empty bank account. We eat, spend and do stuff throughout the course of a week without even realizing how much or how little.

When I looked at my 168 hours of the week, I realized that almost 100 of those went to work and sleep. A big chunk went to school. My chart showed very tiny bubbles for exercise, family activities, fun and relaxation. Does that correspond to my values? Do does it motivate me to make some changes? No and yes.

If you're interested in taking a Family Wellness Checkup you can sign up at the UCLA Commons site. Flannery sent me home with the "5-Minute Hourglass," an item you can buy at the center. The hourglass helps you dedicate five minutes to focus on whatever matters most to you. And trust me, you have time for that.

"Time" For the Holidays

It's holiday time. Know how I can tell? I have a zit, I want to eat a bag of chips, my dog is making me feel guilty and I have so many "to-do" lists and Post-It Note reminders of things that I could mark a trail between the office and the house.

And then there's the finances... This time of year I feel as though I should just stand in front of my house and toss dollars into the breeze – teacher gifts, office gifts, hostess gifts, kids' friends gifts. Not to mention a dog gift, since she's making me feel guilty right now.

How do we manage it all and not pull out our hair – or, in my case, end up at the bottom of a bag of Cheetos? There's no magic holiday bullet, unfortunately, but I found these tips from therapistfinder.com pretty helpful:

• Trim the tree, and your gift list. It’s time to downsize, especially in this economy. If you’re buying a gift for every sibling, aunt, uncle and in-law, talk to your family about drawing names and buying for just one person each, and set a price limit. Schedule a holiday potluck or dinner out with friends and forgo gifts, or get the group together for a festive volunteer activity, such as serving a meal at a local soup kitchen. Focus on enjoying one another’s time minus the stress of gift giving.


• Channel Santa’s workshop. Enlist the help of your partner and kids in holiday preparations. Give the kids gifts to wrap, get their help making holiday cookies, give your partner a list of gifts to buy on a lunch break, schedule a family decorating day – the stress relief, plus the time you save, will make you want to spread “Joy to the World!”


• Here we come a-scheduling. Coordinating holiday activities for everyone in the family can be overwhelming. Create a family holiday calendar that you post in a prominent place that includes color-coded activities for every family member. At a glance, you’ll be able to see what obligations are coming up, if you’re overbooked and what you need to prepare. Pencil in several shopping trips to ensure you’re not scrambling at the last minute.


• Make a list ... and check it twice. It sounds simple, but making a list of who you need to shop for, how much you want to spend and gift ideas will eliminate a lot of stress and last-minute trips to the store.  Also, buy some generic gifts to have on hand, like candles or gift cards, that you can grab if you need a spur-of-the-moment gift.


• Say no. You don’t have to attend every holiday gathering you’re invited to, or participate in every white elephant gift exchange. Graciously decline, and you won’t be overwhelmed by obligations that aren’t a priority for you.

If I can manage to do just one of these, I might have clear skin just in time for the holiday photo I need to schedule.

The Weekly Clog

My coworker recently declared war on "e-mail pollution," a plan I very much endorse – especially since I'm often the victim of it (and not just from her). And I'm not just referring to the goofy jokes and unnecessary forwards – I'm also talking about my glut of weekly and daily electronic newsletters.

This genre has a completely different focus within my in-box, especially since, in most cases, I have of (mostly) sound mind signed up on my own accord to receive them. These regular e-mails fall into categories ranging from "I can't wait to open this one" to "This one is for the 'unsubscribe' bin." So I spent a few minutes of my work day, fresh from the long Turkey Day weekend, to look at this pollutant and separate the ones I really relish from the plastic bottles on the beach. And while you might be doing your own cyber culling, I thought I'd share my short list of electronic newsletters that serve me well in the parenting world:

1. Jen's List: Created by Jen Levinson, an L.A. mom of five boys (including two sets of twins!), this daily dose of parenting news, tips and various tidbits about local happenings and cool kid- and parenting-focused businesses is pretty indispensable. From nanny news and stuff for sale to parenting classes and play groups, a resourceful mom can find just about anything she needs in this fairly straight-forward newsletter (with no pesky graphics to slow the flow). The only down side, really, is that it comes out daily, so it's easy to let this one overpower your in-box. As a remedy, you can opt not to subscribe and just check out her Web site, where you'll find archives and her blog.
   


2. Hungry Girl Newsletter: I often find myself staring at the yogurt section at my grocery store, wondering whether the Yoplait banana cream pie flavor is as good as it sounds and/or whether it quite possibly is destined to become a blob of fat on my thighs. Enter the Hungry Girl, a well-written Web site that also churns out a weekly newsletter with the latest news on foods that a girl can eat without the guilt (and well-documented warnings about those to avoid). L.A. Hungry Girl founder Lisa Lillien's weekly newsletter offers survival strategies for the holidays as well as breakdowns on how to navigate the grocery store aisles for food finds that will work for a variety of diets (although it's based on the Weight Watchers model). The newsletter isn't overpowering and has nice graphics and a kitschy, fun writing style that is as entertaining as it is enlightening.


3. Kids Off the Couch: This unusual weekly newsletter takes a movie (both recent and from the cinematic archives) and cleverly pairs it with a local outing to provide cultural relevance for just about any media venture. L.A. moms Sarah Bowman and Diane Phillips Shakin created the concept and have built quite the unique little Web-based business. The weekly newsletter is free, well-researched, easy to navigate and geared for parents with children of all ages and interests. Incidentally, they also write a special version each month for L.A. Parent, the editors of which obviously know how to spot a good thing when they see it.


4. Doing Business While Female: With topics that range from how to promote yourself without feeling "slimy" to basic but helpful tips on how to stop wasting time, this newsletter/blog/Web site/consulting business founded by L.A. mom Roberta Lachman Jacobs is a great resource for women. The newsletter is understated and designed not to overwhelm you with too much information but most of all is a gentle reminder for moms in the business world that we need to stay empowered and organized. Jacobs, a former executive for a marketing research firm, offers solid and insightful advice, making the newsletter well worth the extra "You've Got Mail" ding.


5. What's Happening?: OK, I would be remiss if I didn't mention L.A. Parent's own newsletter, compiled by our intrepid and well-informed calendar editor, Michael Berick. It contains about three to five suggestions for cool things to check out for the weekend as well as a health tip and occasional information about contests and other good-to-know facts. Believe it or not, I often use Michael's suggestions to plan my weekends, especially since he finds some great stuff that often doesn't make our monthly print deadline (so they're exclusives!).