Who's Afraid?

What scares you as a parent? My list is so long that it's ... well, scary.

Last week I started reading Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry. This book and author-mom Lenore Skenazy's blog that started it all has been excellent fodder for talk shows, parenting debates and blogs everywhere. The premise of putting some irrational worries on the back burner and giving a bit of old-fashioned freedom and fun back to our kids might not be for every mom in our very scheduled, fear-based society. But it helped open my eyes a bit and think about why I was so worried all the time.

Then today, I got to work and opened my email. It's scary, and not just because there's so many emails that I'll never, even in a couple of lifetimes, be able to read or respond to it. But many of them are trying to scare me and make me, a serial worrier, even more freaked out.

I'm sure that even if I didn't work for a parenting magazine and wasn't constantly bombarded by pitches about new products, Web sites, parenting experts and other stuff designed to "keep our kids safe" I'd still check Jack's breathing at night and sweat till Kate's school bus arrived at her field trip destination.

But I decided to do a little experiment and see if my email might be contributing to my worrisome world view. Here's a sampling of subject lines and opening sentences in some emails that I received in just one – ONE – 24-hour period:

• Could an Electromagnetic Pulse Wipe Out Civilization? New ‘End of the World’ Scenario Gets Serious Attention


• With Halloween being one of the most dangerous days of the year for children – children are more than twice as likely to be hit by a car and killed on Halloween than the rest of the year according to Safe Kids Worldwide – it’s important for parents to prepare their children to stay safe while trick-or-treating [this was a pitch from a cell phone company]


• Teen Attitudes Toward Smoking Linked to Likelihood of Drinking and Using Drugs


• Suffering at the Hands of a Bully


• New book uses psychosynthesis as means for families and individuals to reach their full potential


• According to the FBI 2008 Crime in the United States (CIUS) report an estimated 2,222,196 burglaries occurred in that year. 61.2 percent involved forcible entry, 32.3 percent were unlawful entries without force, and 6.4 percent were forcible entry attempts. Burglaries of residential properties accounted for 70.3 percent of all burglary offenses. (http://www.fbi.gov) [this was a pitch from a blinds/window coverings company]


• We've all heard the horror stories about bad babysitters and dangerous daycare centers.  I am sure you remember the story about the dad who found a sitter on Craigslist who then abducted his son.  And who can forget about the four toddlers who wandered away from their day care facility in the blistering July heat.  It's very hard today to know who you can trust. [this was a pitch for a babysitter-finder service]


• Forget chocolate and cookie dough, here's a great school fundraising idea that also aims to keep kids safe. The Amber Alert Registry School Program (a no cost program to the school) allows parents to sign up for this important safety tool while providing significant funding to participating schools.


• WWI Chemical Found in Air Outside 15 Public Schools

Is there any wonder I'm worried a good percentage of the time?

It's not that these issues aren't legitimate and need to be addressed. And I'm all for hearing about great products, books and other helpful items – and if we truly need to make sure parents are aware of a very real, harmful danger out there, I want to know about it. But can we please cut down on the fear tactics as sales or pr pitches? Either that, or I'm just going to stare at the ceiling all night wondering when that electromagnetic pulse is going to strike ...

School For You

How's the school year going? Here's my report:

• Kate, as a fourth grader, is now mostly on her own (with only a little nagging) when it comes to getting homework done. But somehow she always magically finds a way to milk a 20-minute "Report About Me" into a three-hour trip to the salt mines. Last night, she decided the 50-word assignment needed to be done in cursive. She doesn't know cursive. I think next time she feels the need to jazz up assignments, I will suggest she use only her feet to write the report.

• Jack, a fresh-faced kindergartener, does not understand the concept of homework just yet. He never – ever, ever, ever – remembers to turn in his "yellow things glued to paper" assignment. Isn't the teacher asking for it?, I plead. [insert blank stare here]

• Jack's first day of school was actually a "mixer" of sorts. Parents hung around, chatted with the teacher, met Fred the bearded dragon and got to know each other. Before I set foot in his classroom, I had no knowledge that it was not a regular school day. How was it that I was the only one who didn't get the memo? I sweated profusely throughout the morning until the 11 a.m. dismissal time (nope, didn't know about that either).

Why am I regaling you with these tales? Because I am often the victim, like so many other parents of school-age kids, of information UNDER-load. This year, in an attempt to be "green," the school is not bothering to send out notices, which I wouldn't be getting anyway, apparently.

But I'm sure thousands of you have similar stories about lack of communication, school policy issues, funding questions and just straight-up confusion, which is often my problem. But parent involvement is often what transforms a "D" school into an "A" and keeps parents, like me, just a little more sane and kids a little more engaged. And those "A" schools need parents to continue to ask questions, get involved and be present in the classroom (or playground or library).

California State Senator Gloria Romero (District 24), Chair of the Senate Education Committee, is hoping to empower parents a bit when it comes to speaking up for our children's education in these tough times, when programs are getting tossed out like Jack's homework. To that end she's also hosting a Power to the Parents town hall tonight from 6 p.m.-8:30 p.m. at the Rosemont Elementary School 421 N. Rosemont Ave., Los Angeles.

She also offers these tips on ways parents can get involved this school year (and good luck with the homework!):

1. Go to Back to School night. Get to know your child’s teacher and keep in contact. Learning doesn’t stop when your child walks out of the classroom – reading at home and monitoring homework is especially important.


2. Join parent groups. There are numerous parent groups at both the school and the district level. The school site council and parent-teacher organization advise the school administration, step up when changes need to made and sponsor various events and fundraisers throughout the year. Many districts also get input from parents through one or more parent advisory councils.


3. Meet your school board. As parents, it’s not easy to get to evening meetings, but it can be worthwhile to go and meet the superintendent and elected officials who set policy for your district. You’ll need them on your side when they face tough budget decisions and your favorite program is on the line. Take your children along and the trip becomes a lesson in civic engagement.


4. Volunteer in the classroom. It’s not only fun to dive in on finger-painting or drive kids on a field trip, it’s also important for your child. A number of studies have shown that students do better academically when their parents are involved in the school.


5. Go to school events – it’s your right! By state law, parents and guardians working at companies with 25+ employees on-site are entitled to take up to 40 hours each school year to participate in the school activities of their child, not exceeding eight hours in any calendar month of the school year. When you look ahead at the school calendar, let your boss know about important assemblies and other events in advance.


6. Get the facts. How is your school doing compared to other schools? The easiest way to find out is to request a copy of your school’s School Accountability Report Card (SARC) from the school or the district office or to view it online at http://www.cde.ca.gov/ta/ac/sa/. The SARC has information on everything from school safety to demographics to teacher training and test scores.


7. Run for your local school board. The idea might never have crossed your mind, but I urge you to think on it. School board members have diverse backgrounds, often drawing on experiences as parents, educators or former students in the district. A passion for education reform is truly the only requirement for the job – like most jobs, you can only learn by doing it.

Aunt Duckie

I've been enjoying a bit of R&R these past two weeks, since my two little darlings have been stationed in New Mexico with my mom and two sisters for our own version of "sleepaway camp." They've enjoyed plenty of one-on-one attention, new toys, shopping trips and treks to the park while Steve and I have returned to our lifestyle of brunches with friends, spontaneous day trips up the coast and outings to the movie theater after 8 p.m.

But now more than two weeks into it, my poor sister Sandy is starting to sound like me on the phone. "They don't pick up their toys!" "I had just sat down when Kate asked me to get up and get her something." "JACK! Don't step on that!" she'll squawk in the middle of our phone chats.

Not that she's complaining; it's just that having two energetic kids around is hard work. Let's just say it's nice to have someone wear your shoes for a while and know that you're somewhat justified for losing it every now and again.

But bedtime for Aunt Duckie, as the kids call Sandy, seems to bring the biggest challenges for my otherwise composed and fun-loving sister.

These are Aunt Duckie's words:

Yeah, they've had a hard time getting to sleep. Maybe it's because they're in the same bed. Last night, Kate was exhausted, but I could hear singing in there. A little while later, Jack came staggering out of their room.

I said, "Jack! Get back into bed! I've already told you that you guys can't get up once you get in bed."

"But Duckie, I just wanted to please ask you to turn off the reading light. I sang lullabies to Kate until she fell asleep."

[Awwwwww.]

So I took him back to bed. Still all cute, he said, "Duckie, can you sing me a lullaby till I fall asleep?"

So I start to sing, "Lullaby, and good night..." but not before suddenly realizing I don't know the words to "Lullaby, and good night." So I made something up, and he fell asleep.

Before bed I went to check on them. Jack was face-down on the floor with his nose and mouth buried in some fluffy pillows.

He weighs 50 pounds (I know this because I weighed him the other day), so I struggled and grunted and somehow maneuvered him back into bed. His skin was all hot, sweaty and clammy, and I was worried that he'd fallen off the bed and buried his face too long. I rolled him over, trying desperately not to wake him (or Kate) but was also checking his breathing, just in case.

Suddenly, with his eyes still closed, a big smile spread across his face.

"Did you think I was dead?" he whispered.

I told him, "No, I didn't think you were dead," but I was secretly feeling like it was going to be a big deal if everyone makes it through the night. I crawled back into bed at about 3 a.m. Just as I was drifting off, I heard, "Duckie?" quietly at first, then a "Duckie!"

There, standing at the door, was Kate.

Me? I slept great.

Jack & Ema (my mom) enjoying the swing after a good night's sleep.

The Dad Factor

Steve does most of the cooking; I do most of the cleanup. Steve takes care of the grocery shopping; I make sure the kids' clothes fit them and are reasonably fashionable (and washed). Steve tackles most of the the PTA and school volunteering; I keep a running tab on the family schedule.

The Graham Division of Labor runs pretty clean and efficient, most of the time. Sure, we have those, "Well, I spend my life doing laundry" and "But I clean up vomit" arguments, but for the most part, we have it figured out. (Although I still do more than he does.)

So I should not have been so surprised when I got a call today from a dad in Glendale who found the "Put Your House In Order" story in the August issue "offensive."

"It's 'mom' this and 'mom' that," the reader said, furthering his point that dads these days often play an equal if not lead role in all tasks of parenthood.

It's a good reminder to the moms here at L.A. Parent to make sure we don't forget to keep dads in the editorial equation. We tend to speak directly to moms more often in the magazine because, well, they tend to make up most of our readers. But we know – just like at my house – that Dad is just as often taking kids back-to-school shopping, making lunches and sitting front and center to watch the school play.

So thanks, Glendale reader, for reminding me that dads are L.A. parents, too.

Answering the Call

"Mom, can I play with your phone?"

I might've spent several hours of my childhood "playing telephone" in my dad's office, but I could never have imagined that simple device would evolve into such an advanced technological toy – much less be able to tell me whether there's a Chili's in Encino, plot a course for a play date, help me level the Foosball table and, of course, track down my favorite Cyndi Lauper tune of all time. Oh, and I can call people on it, too – and if I don't feel like talking to them, I can type a message.

I know I'm sounding a bit old-fogeyish here, but when I think about how far we've come since the days of rotary dials and "receivers," our cell phones today are pretty astounding.

I know there are some great applications and games for the BlackBerry and other "communication devices" – and I'll try to track them down and offer a report in the near future. But for the iPhone lovers such as myself, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to adding games and applications that the kids love, too. However, when we're locked in the doctor's office or waiting in an endless line with empty stomachs, my iPhone comes galloping out of my purse like a knight on a white horse.

The latest app I just added is for Jack, who loves the games but is even more mesmerized by video (but  don't always have time to hunt and peck out a good Yo Gabba Gabba episode on Youtube). Sprout Player comes from the reliable folks at PBS Kids Sprout, the preschool-oriented on-demand TV channel. This free app offers a simple video player with audio instructions that guide youngsters to short videos from Sprout's programming lineup. Sprout Player is the second Sprout application, following the popular Dress Chica, a free interactive game that has kids selecting scarves and hats and making Chica chirp and dance by giving the phone a shake – definitely one for outdoors or a busy area rather than a waiting room.